1. First and foremost, the one I’ve been telling anyone who will listen to me ad nauseam: In China, drivers do not yield to pedestrians.
I had an especially difficult time getting used to this, because usually when I want to cross the street, I just walk out and stare down any idiot who’s rude enough to idle toward me in the street while I’m getting my important, entitled, legally protected little self on my merry way.
That didn’t work in China.
Not only to drivers not yield to pedestrians, but they honk at each other. And at pedestrians. And dogs. And maybe mosquitoes. I guess at just about anything. ALWAYS. Honking is not reserved for road rage, or being cut off by a bad driver, or for when you see your friends on the side of the road and want to get their attention. Honking in China is like … something drivers apparently have to do to remind themselves that they’re in a car. They honk ALL THE TIME. Many times for what seems like no reason at all.
It was so weird.
2. Spitting everywhere is the most normal thing ever
Wait, what? You think it’s gross to spend 20 noisy seconds summing up every molecule of phlegm nestled in your respiratory tract and then shooting it onto the sidewalk for everyone to dodge as they walk through the city is weird? Then you should probably just avoid China at all costs.
But seriously.
I understand the notion of cultural differences. I know that in Europe “everyone” thinks Americans are crazy rambunctious and way too loud, etc. I know that in America “everyone” thinks Asian people are bad drivers (see #1 … awkward?). I know that in Africa — wait, actually I don’t know much about Africa at all, except that I want to go there really bad.
Anyhow: people spit on the street in China. People spit on the sidewalk in China. People spit on floor in the hallways of the school where you’re rehearsing operas in China. People spit out of moving cabs in China. They spit everywhere. It’s just … a thing you do. And don’t worry about being discreet. Hoch that up and just get it out of your throat!
Shudder.
You know where else people spit in China? 35,000 feet up in the air, they disregard all notions of personal space, lean really close to you in an already cramped flight, and spit into their air sickness bag. Next to you. In close quarters. Next to you. Basically on you. When all you want is to be not there.
Or so I hear. From my own memory. Oh God.
3. Smoke freely and often.
I do not think that anyone should be made to feel that smoking cigarettes or cigars is anything other than something they are free to do, be it here in America or anywhere abroad. Some of the people I love most on this earth are smokers. I’m not. They’re conscious of that. Illinois happens to be conscious of things like air quality, and asks that smoking be done a certain distance from doors, not inside, etc.
China doesn’t roll like that. Which is fine. I just wasn’t prepared. Also, the cigarettes there don’t smell like the ones here (which, in all honesty, I don’t mind at all).
4. Dogs aren’t neutered in China.
Surprise!
5. You aren’t azn? You’re a spectacle.
Actually, I think people did warn me about this, but there was just no way to really anticipate how it would feel. I cannot tell you the number of times a candid photo of me was taken. You know why I can’t tell you that? Because I’m almost positive that I only “caught” about 60% of them. And those are just the candid shots.
There were also drive-bys: if a group of any of us non-azns were taking a picture (here “group” means … “more than 1″), 2 or 3 people walking by would inevitably whip out their cell phones and take a picture of us, too.
5.5 You’re black? ZOMG LET’S TAKE A PIC TOGETHER
Freal. The first time I left our first hotel to go to breakfast/lunch/dinner/I don’t know what meal it was in my life (jet lag is REAL, y’all) but time-wise it was lunch, a man on the street was so taken with my non-azn-ness that he tried to touch my face.
Just … touch it. Like, to see if it was real. Or makeup. Or … I don’t even know what.
Also there were many “stealth” pictures taken of me. It’s in quotes because I obviously saw their stealth asses taking those pictures. But I usually thought it was funny, so we’re all good.
6. Chinese food is different in China
Again, I think I was warned about this but had to arrive for it to sink in. The food was freaking delicious, but there was no moo goo gai pan. No fried rice.
NO EGG ROLLS.
I just realized that one. Wow.
7. Adults will make their children speak English at you
Not really to you. Just kind of in your general direction.
And usually those children are shy. To be fair, I get that. I’d be the same way if a loud black man 3 times my size was smiling down at me from behind his wayfarers and yelling some broken version of “HELLO!!!!” in Mandarin toward the top of my head.
7.5 Someone told the entire population of Kunming that “Nice to meet you!” is a substitute for “Hello!”
I don’t dare to hazard a guess at how many times someone zooming by my nervous pedestrian ass on a moped at rush hour (any time between 8AM and 9PM) yelled “NICE TO MEET YOU” and then burst out laughing with his or her cohort on the moped because it happened so many times.
But again, to be fair, whenever I hear people speaking in a foreign language, I’m quick to whip out whatever basic sentences I can throw together in my head and try them out on these native speakers, so … I can relate to this humorous impulse. I would just really like to know who thought that “Nice to meet you!” would be the one phrase to teach everyone, and why it was important to tell these saps that it was a good replacement for “Hey” or “What’s up?”
8. The milk is not skim
In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s yogurt.
Really, though. It was so lumpy. And so warm. And so probably not pasteurized. And so something I only took one scary sip of.
9. What is Google?
Yes, I technically knew about this one in advance, too. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard to deal with the few times I had internet access! Have fun using Bing to decide. Not.
10. Flowers are delicious
I don’t really know what kind of flower petals were baked into all of the delightful things I bought at the Jiahua Bakery, but they were amazing. I think they may have been rose petals? But really, I could care less. They were in cookies, in pastries, in … so many amazing delicacies. And I want more of them. Yum.
More China themed blog entries to come!





